The Ultimate Buying Experience

Well, we got our van yesterday. Amy & I are excited and relieved. I never thought I'd utter or write the words that I was happy to be a minivan guy. But function wins over fashion any day of the week in my book. The experience wasn't without humor, as is often the case with us these days...

Amy & I always try to be cognizant of being out in public with the boys. We remember how annoyed we were before we had kids when parents would let their babies scream endlessly in public or when they would let their kids just run wild. So we tried to make preparations since they would be tagging along for the car buying experience.

I made arrangements with the dealership to go in and settle up with them at 4:00pm. The boys eat at 2:00 and 6:00 so this was ideally a good time to do it. We weren't trading anything in and I had a decent financing deal already lined up in hopes that we could shave off as much time as possible. (Jane, your son is a 'J' on the Myers-Briggs scale for certain -- prepare, schedule, organize!) ;-) Amy & I had the stroller loaded up, pacifiers in hand, and both Baby Bjorn carriers ready if needed. We were a sight I tell you.

The dealer had just gotten a shipment of cars in so they were very busy yesterday. Salesmen -- a few drooling -- were shuttling people back and forth. The finance managers were in high demand since so many people had come in to pick up their pre-sold vehicles. The scene was not frantic or chaotic, but it was steadily busy and at times hectic.

Owen & Gus for the most part were troopers. They sat in their stroller alternating between sleep and curiosity. When the activity got to be too much to process, they would go to sleep. At least for the first hour and a half.

By 5:30 they were antsy. Pacifiers wouldn't stay in. An occasional fussy shout came from each of them. Amy & I alternated pushing them in the stroller, weaving around people and new cars on the showroom floor.

By 6:00, their bellies took over. No more patience. No more stroller. Get me the heck out of here, Mom and Dad. By this time we were finally ready to sign on the dotted lines (all 47 of them -- going along with my theory of car buying being a needlessly stressful situation). Now Amy & I were crammed into a tiny sales office. We had Owen & Gus out of their strollers into their carriers, my finger shoved into Gus's mouth for gnawing, and Amy dancing side-to-side with Owen trying to hold the pacifier in so he wouldn't explode. But he did explode -- down below, through his diaper, through his clothes, into the carrier....in a tiny sales office with little ventilation mind you.

Needless to say once we reached this point and Amy explained that "No, we don't need to pay an extra $87 a month for chipped windshield protection and volcano insurance," the finance manager (a nice lady in actuality) zipped us out in three minutes. I think I saw her leaving out of the parking lot behind me lighting up three cigarettes at one time.

So for anyone dreading a buying experience who needs a definite stopping point with a salesperson, we rent our children for $100/hr or a bargain rate of $150/hr for both of them.

After this experience, I have vowed to go out of my way to embarass the living daylights out of Misters Owen Frank and Gus Edward when they bring their first girlfriends home to the house. You all remember that right -- when your kids are at that age where they are easily embarassed by anything their parents do? Boys, Dad is breaking out the Bob Ross afro and happy-little-tree-painting costume -- paybacks are hell! :-)

I'm Happy Minivan Guy today though. Cheers everyone!